Time To Be Honest About Why Breakups Suck
I figured that I would share my thoughts on why breakups suck. This is obviously something that humans have been dealing with since the beginning of time. But here is what my perspective is, having been through a bunch of them and gone through one recently.It hits me every time I hang out at bars and listen to what guys complain about: The very stuff that we (men and woman) complain about is generally what we miss the most about the person we broke up with. It's when we pour out our hearts to strangers that we feel better about being sad or mad. We try to gain moral support or some sort of reassurance that what happened is for the best, but deep down, we are not sure at all.
I will be completely honest: After trying marriage once, I am a little gun shy about ever doing it again. The way I see it, my life is pretty damn good, and unless the person I am going to marry can make it better, what's the point? I mean, why go through the pomp and circumstance of a big celebration if the next few years will be a downer?
On A Personal Level
My recent break up came again as a result of me. I had what most guys would consider perfection -- she had the perfect looks, family, etc....but our ideas of the future are different. I am focused on career and personal goals; she is focused on the idea of having a family someday. I just don't have the same passion for family and honestly don't see how having kids would improve my life. As hard as it is to let something so great slip through your hands, it is so much harder to know that you can't give that person their ideal future. But that leads us to...
WHY BreakUps Suck
When you break up with someone, for the first few days you feel the freedom of being "single." You can come and go as you please. You can see and be with who you want. You can do the things that you've been dying to do but felt you never could because of the person you were with wouldn't go for it. Then after a few days, it hits you: You're alone and mad because suddenly you find out that person you just broke up with is doing all the things you wanted to. Is it because they are getting back at you? Is it because you didn't know they were OK with doing those things? Is it upsetting because that's the person you thought you knew? It really sucks -- probably to the point that you get angry -- and maybe even drink more, text that person, or get jealous.
BreakUps Are On The Individual
I still don't know why people call it a breakup of a couple because it seems to me that it's a separation, and the breakup happens individually. Your new happiness and freedom gets broken up by memories and regret. Even if the relationship wasn't "healthy" or in your best interest, you still wonder if you made the right call. Then you go through the on again, off again phase. You know what I mean -- texting and calling late at night or after a few drinks. Maybe you meet up, and maybe you have a few good days again, only to get involved in some wacky argument fueled by anger or competition that turns "I miss you" to "I hate you." At first when you break up, you might work out hard to look good. Then after a few days, that gets old, and you decide to be that person that is the life of the party. Then you go through the lonely phase when you can't even think about being home alone, so you try your best to do anything social. Even the idea of public meetings sounds appealing.
Multiple Levels of Suckiness
Yeah, breakups suck on so many levels. There are the sleepless nights. The feelings and thoughts that you'll never be good enough for someone and that the other person has it so good while you're try to dream up ways to prove to them that it is you that is "winning." I don't care who called it off. If you have been with someone for a good amount of time, this is the kind of stuff that happens. It's never easy.
But the killer, the part that hurts the worst, even if you're the strongest person in the world, is the phase of "What if...?" What ifs suck the worst. I am telling you straight up that I have tons of what ifs that go through my head every single day of my life. What if I had gone home more? What if I had changed my style? What if I had been more sensitive? What if I blew that best thing that could ever come my way? What if that person met someone better? It all sucks.
Here's my advice: We all make mistakes. We all have things change in our lives and we will all live out our lives with some what ifs. But I have to say that after watching people I love pass away and watching friends go through hard-core breakups and even the death of spouses, take it all in as a gift. You learned something about life, about love and, most importantly, about YOU.
The single worst thing that sucks the most about breakups is learning something about you that perhaps you have been denying. Have you been lying to yourself? Have you not been the person you think you are? Have you not been living up to the standards your parents set for you? Have you allowed yourself to lose sight of whats important and denied happiness that is directly in front of you? I am here to tell you that 99 percent of the anger we feel towards someone else is really as result of the anger we have for ourselves inside.
I still don't know what my idea of the perfect relationship is. I struggle the most with that. Perhaps it's a result of losing my parents so young? Perhaps it's fear? All I can say is that relationship breakups suck. Not only because of the pain and loss and anger, but because dealing with the truth about yourself within a relationship can be a hard thing to swallow