I Can’t Believe It’s Been a Year

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.  It was one year ago today my wife, Shelley, passed away.  One year.  Boy time goes fast.  They say when a loved one passes away that first year is always the toughest.  It’s all of the firsts – the first birthday, first wedding anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years.  All of those special occasions that are tough to deal with.  But, I’m certainly not going to miss her any less when the second and third and fourth ones come around.Thinking back to her hospital ordeal a year ago and being led to believe she was getting better has been the toughest part of all of this.  Anybody who has gone thru the agony of seeing a loved one so sick and being helpless to do anything about it will know the feeling.  It tore me up then and it still does.

For a surviving spouse it’s a pretty private thing.  I really can’t express in words how much I miss her, but it really hits home during those dinners for one, the lonely nights alone in bed, the silence in the house.

I miss Shelley’s sense of humor, I miss her laughter, I miss her intelligence, I miss her sweet voice, I miss her companionship. And oh yeah, I miss her cooking.

I’ve said it many times – we were each other’s best friend.  I know she felt the same about me as I felt about her.

It was kind of an odd thing I sometimes thought about – I wondered who would be better equipped to handle it when one of us passes away?  One thing’s for sure – I’d never want to see her go through the sadness and heartbreak that I’ve gone through.

Oh, what I would give to speak to her one more time.  To tell her “I love you” and to hear her say the same to me.

So on this first anniversary of her passing I say to my angel in heaven “I love you Shelley.”  I know she’s waiting patiently.