How To Extend Unusual Grace In These Unusual Times

It’s been a dramatic few days for the #BillsMafia, as fans expected to hear an official announcement that Tre'Davious White opted out of the 2020 season due to concerns about coronavirus.

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He didn’t.

He did, however, cause a stir among fans on social media after making this post on Twitter:

Fans took the post as a sign White was ready to invoke the opt out. White says the remarks were a reaction to an interview he gave Wednesday, citing concerns about coronavirus for family reasons; he has two young children, and a close family member who's died from the virus.

What happened next was just one version of the same debate you're going to have and hear until we've reached the other side of the pandemic, no matter how long that might be.

So prepare yourself for the following: Are you sending your kids to school in the fall? Are they going in-person or virtual? Are you homeschooling? You're going to homeschool? How are you going to do that? Kids should be in school! Teachers want to teach! They should open gyms. Why is it fair to be allowed to go to Walmart but you can't socially distance fans in a stadium? If you stay home you're afraid. If you wear a mask, you're fooling yourself. As soon as there's a vaccine this will all be over and it'll go back to normal.

Teachers never signed up to be frontline workers. Homeschooling doesn't have to be Pinterest-perfect. You've got this! Let's go paint some rainbows and put it on Instagram. It'll be okay, here, redecorate the home office so it doesn't look so "temporary," because none of this is temporary. When there's a vaccine -- people will judge you if you get it, and lots will judge you if you don't. You really want to go to the gym, but remember the time you saw someone else mistakenly drink from your water bottle and all of a sudden you don't feel ready to go back. Your kids haven't had a cold since March, how can you send them to school now?

Are you exhausted yet? Because the emotional burnout is real. And it's here to stay.

Let's fast forward to October -- oh, you mean you're letting your kids go trick-or-treating? In groups? How are they going to do that? Prepare for an onslaught of bad Halloween mask jokes.

Now onto the rest of the holiday season -- this year be judged not on if you've been naughty or nice, but if you're including grandparents or not at Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.

And while all the above judgements are commonplace, it doesn't make them any less insidious. Most people have been significantly emotionally affected since the pandemic hit the United States, and the wear is showing.

You see the common aggression everyday, like when people treat 90-W as if it's the Indy 500, or casting glares at those wearing (or not wearing) masks. You see the aggression in passive ways too, scoffing our way through social media feeds; seeing a soft-focus pic of a friend's pretty, healthy home-cooked meal and thinking, show-off.

Or, dumping on a professional athlete for his thoughts about opting out of going into his workplace, when lots of us have been safely working from home since the beginning of the pandemic.

I don't know about you, but I don't make a living off of my physical fitness. I'm pretty sure I could be in a full-body cast and still manage to do a radio show every day. Essentially, as long as I can speak, and have use of at least one of my thumbs, I can do my job.

The same can't be said for a professional athlete, who has "must be able to run, catch, tackle and defend" written in their job description. And the long-term effects of COVID-19 have yet to be fully discovered, but doctors already have evidence it may cause permanent lung damage. When the ability to breathe like an elite athlete is a requirement for your job, I think it's perfectly fine to consider sitting out a year, especially if you've got a lot of career left to go.

As of the NFL’s 4 p.m. deadline, CNBC reports over 60 players have taken the voluntary opt-out, which was made available to players who fit certain health-concern criteria.

Just like the mom who chooses homeschool, or the one who sends them in -- you have to consider no one arrived at that choice casually. In 2020, something as previously mindless as running to the store becomes a thoughtfully-planned risk-benefit calculation.

These are unusual times, so instead of an unusual amount of judgment, maybe what we need is an unusual amount of grace extended to our fellow humans, who I swear, most are trying the best we can with what we've got.

But no one's perfect, and when we're weak, we get mean. I mean, you've been hangry before, you know it's a thing. And when people are absorbing as much fear as we are, and have been for months, it weakens the soul. Fear takes little chunks of your spirit out with every Facebook argument, heartbreaking headline, cancelled vacation, postponed wedding, bad day of homeschool, and another week of reporting for unemployment.

But we've been socialized to act tough, so we don't recognize when we're weak -- that we're running at 3% soul-battery left with no charger to be found. And then, that low soul-power is only good for the easy emotions. Because it's easy to be mean and judgemental. When we judge, we get a quick dose of feeling in control; superior, because we found a sound bite that made sense once, and now carry it everywhere with us like a security blanket.

So here's a quick reference guide on how to extend an unusual amount of grace in these unusual times:

When a friend says they are sending their child into school:
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."

When a coworker says she's working from home and homeschooling her kids:
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."

When a family member is upset about having to cancel a special vacation:
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."

When a store has to change the whole way they used to do business but are still in business:
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."

When a business makes the decision to close, or remain closed for now:
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."

When someone says they're choosing to take a year off from their job:
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."

And, like Tre White, if they do decide to go into the office after all, come on, you've got it by now.....

"I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision. Good for you."